Grief is a journey without a map, a path each of us must walk in our own way. But that doesn’t mean we have to walk it alone. As a hospice volunteer, I have the privilege of witnessing the power of shared experience in a special space called The Mourning Café.

This weekly gathering brings together people from all walks of life—young and old, those grieving a recent loss and others carrying sorrow that has softened with time. Despite our differences, when we sit together around the table, we are simply human—honest, open, and vulnerable. There is no need to explain or pretend. We share our stories, our struggles, and sometimes even our laughter.

Grief can be isolating, but in The Mourning Café, no one is alone. Here, we listen without judgment, speak without fear, and hold space for one another with quiet understanding. It is a safe harbor in the storms that loss can bring—a place of comfort, connection, and care.

Volunteering in hospice has shown me that healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry our love forward. And in spaces like The Mourning Café, we do just that—together.

As I approached retirement from Simon Fraser University just over ten years ago, one of my goals was to train as a hospice volunteer. I, like probably many of you, have been asked: “Why, why do you want to do that?”

For me it was a way of expressing gratitude for the care my mom, my dad, and my brother received as they reached the end of life. Though only my brother died in hospice, my Mom and Dad both received the kind of care, in hospital settings, that is the foundation of the work we do … kind, caring, generous of spirit, and deeply respectful. I wanted to be able to do for others what my family members and I benefitted from during those sad times.

My training began in 2012 when I and I can’t remember how many others came together to prepare for our hospice journey. Lessons learned during those ten weeks are lessons that have stayed with me ever since … and not just in hospice settings but in other circumstances as well when I realize, sometimes as an afterthought, that how I responded, how I felt, what I did or did not do stems from those ten weeks. And the learning continues. As does the encouragement to reflect on what we think, say, and do.

What opportunities to serve have the last eight years provided? They have been rich and plentiful: one-on-one visits in client homes; sitting vigil; being part of a research team that explored the experiences of those who had accompanied a friend or loved-one who had chosen MAiD; and now as a team leader for a group of volunteers by staying in touch through telephone calls and/or emails on a monthly basis.

I also serve on the Board of Directors of the Comox Valley Hospice Society. I am now in year two of my second three-year term. That has given me the opportunity to participate in the search for our new Executive Director and to chair the Board Recruitment Committee, to name just a few of the tasks assigned.

So, let me end as I began: “Why do I do this?” To be of service and to give as my family members and I received. But what I didn’t know when I set out on this path was how deeply moved I would be by the privilege of being present with those who are approaching death and those who care for them during that time. I often hear hospice volunteers speak of this time as being “sacred”. I share that thought … and I am so grateful to be in the company of such kind, caring individuals.

As I bring this to a close, I remember one more very important lesson received during training and throughout my time with Hospice … the importance of self-care. At all times, and perhaps especially now, may we all take time to care for self as tenderly as we care for others.

Hello there. My name is Robert, and I’ve been in the Valley since 2006. I retired here early, after a career in aerospace engineering and management in Toronto. My early volunteering in the Valley involved a lot of Elder College courses, both giving and taking, plus church and charity work.

I began to realize that a lot of people I was spending time with, had done Hospice work, and so I took the Basic training in the spring of 2017. With the new hospital opening in the Fall of 2017, there was also a lot of hospital-related training to do, but I’ve only had two one-on-one palliative clients in the hospital, with one relationship lasting 3 months.

Right after finishing the Basic training, I also got involved in helping to facilitate Bereavement walking groups, where a group of clients and facilitators would walk at the Airpark and then retire to a quiet coffee shop to “debrief” with coffee. I helped with at least four of these groups, over the next 3 years, including one group as the lead facilitator. With the pandemic restrictions, these groups have become much smaller, but I facilitated two more groups with only two or three clients, and optional outdoor coffee.

At some point along the way, I did the Bereavement training and participated in a couple of one-day workshop volunteer sessions with outside presenters, plus an Island Hospice one-day workshop in Parksville. I’ve also attended quite a few of the on-line FIKA volunteer sessions.

The walking groups tend to be three-season events, so I have helped out with Bereavement Drop-In groups, an Art Therapy Bereavement group and an on-line Bereavement group. The Blue Christmas services seem to strike a chord with clients as well, and I’ve been involved in those for the past three years.

Recently, a cousin sent me an old newspaper clipping, where I was reminded that my mother had done Hospice work for 15 years in her community in the 1980’s and 90’s. It was a bit of a shock to realize that history was repeating itself.

A client recently said to me that after a couple of Bereavement programs, they now could look at their partner’s picture, not just with sorrow and tears, but also remembering the good times. I mentioned how important it was that they had recognized how their grief was morphing into a balance of sorrow and joy. I think that is the main satisfaction I get from my Hospice Bereavement work, walking alongside people for a while on their journey, and witnessing those little “Ah-has”, when they realize that deep grief doesn’t last forever.

In 2006 my partner had decided to take the volunteer training for Hospice. It sounded interesting, and I was looking for a volunteer opportunity so I signed up as well. Honestly, I didn’t really understand what it was all about. Little did I know how fascinating I would find it, or the ways it would continue to impact in my life. I feel deeply blessed and humbled for the opportunity to support others through the lens of Hospice. The sweet nature of this symbiotic relationship continues to be an invaluable source of learning, growth and healing.

A little about me:

I was born in the outback of Australia on a rural farm where drought was all I knew. On a deep generational/epigenetic level, rain for me translates into hope and prosperity. Fittingly when it has been raining nonstop for days here in the Comox Valley I feel like the richest most nourished person on the earth.

I have traveled and worked in Europe, Asia, Africa, NZ, and Central and South America and was part of a team from Concordia University that created a pilot program for NASA to help foster emotional intelligence. I am fascinated by our world and its people.

One big challenge is that I can’t ice skate…yet. I currently wear hockey pants, a helmet, elbow and knee pads whilst trying not to grip to the side while navigating my way around the rink. I am completely in awe of anyone who can skate (as well as mudders and tapers, but that’s another story to do with drywall and home renovations.) I became a Canadian last year and decided it was finally time to learn French and play ice hockey.

I love living here in the Valley, spending time with my family and friends, canoeing, climbing, surfing, hiking, skiing and creating an ever growing and developing residential perennial sugar forest.

During my time with Hospice I have had the honor of volunteering across multiple capacities within the organization; vigils, 1:1, facilitating bereavement groups, volunteer support, office support, fundraising, and leading the creation team for the Self Care Clinic. I have taken a few breaks, one to live and work in Taiwan and another to start my family. My two daughters are now three and seven and I feel I have space in my life again to expand back out into my community. I look forward to getting to know some of you better, and to support your volunteer experience with CVHS.

My name is Anna Belle, I’m 77 and I did my Hospice training towards the end of 2016, completing it in 2017. I was very impressed with the calibre of training; its thoroughness, inclusion, and its ability to enrich and elevate our outlook on life and death with its many phases and extremes. I felt then and still do that this training would enhance anyone’s outlook on life.

I sought out volunteering with Hospice for several reasons. I had volunteered at a Distress Line in Mississauga years before, visited seniors in Victoria, and more recently volunteered at a French Association in Nanaimo, entering all the books in their library onto an inter-city computer system. These tasks had their value to many, but they were not what I eventually realized I was seeking, to make a true difference in someone’s life or their experience of life. As well, my Mother’s last years far away, were made more comfortable and meaningful because of volunteers spending time reading to her, sharing memories, or simply being there and connecting by touch. The value of assuring someone who is ill or in distress that they are not alone cannot be overemphasized.

One’s time spent with Hospice can be varied. I worked with the volunteer who cares for the gardens at Hospice for a couple of years. For the last while I have been the ‘public representative’ taking part in the interviews for new people seeking to join the Hospice Board. Meeting these people and learning more about Hospice is always gratifying and inspiring.

Currently, partly due to Covid, I am staying in touch by phone with an elderly lady. Each 1 to 1 patient or Hospice client is so different. Interests vary widely, cherished life histories are invaluable to explore together, and it is often surprising the connections we find between us, or the life lessons, funny and sad that we can recapture together. One charming lady I spent months and months with had had a good life, had a good husband and an attentive son, but she got such joy, inspiration and a type of satisfaction out of following and enquiring about the progress of my interests or travels or education. I sought out books that let her travel or experience or explore life vicariously. She was ravenous for book adventures and kept reading until her sight impeded that. Then I read to her, from two wonderful books with short and uplifting stories with true-life examples of important life values.

At Hospice one can volunteer in numerous ways to accommodate the needs of the community. It is a private endeavour when with patients, as we honour their privacy. The returns of knowing you have given comfort, changed someone’s day, respected their individuality, and shared time with them to show your caring…the rewards and returns to us are profound. They are private too but how they can nourish the soul !

When I joined my first Cycle of Life Tour in 2019 it was to ride in honour and memory of my father who had spent his final few weeks under the professional and compassionate care of Comox Valley Hospice at the Views. I was forever grateful for my fathers peace and comfort and wanted to help support those who supported him, and his family, in his time of need. I convinced my friend Margaret to join me in registering for the tour that year. We had the most amazing time becoming part of “Team Cyclepaths”. We met the most awesome group of dedicated and fun teammates. Some who are still part of Team Cyclepaths. We spent countless hours riding the roads of the Comox Valley, and many days out in the community raising awareness and funds for Comox Valley Hospice Society. We heard, and had our hearts touched by, many many stories of hospice care.

Sadly a few weeks after the 2019 tour Margaret was diagnosed with cancer. After a short but heroic battle, Margaret….my friend and fellow teammate, said goodby to the world on May 28th of 2020. I now also ride in Margaret’s honour and memory. In addition to my Dad and Margaret I also ride for the people of the Comox Valley. Comox Valley Hospice Society provides end of life care, and bereavement support, for the people of the Comox Valley. It is the goal of the Comox Valley Hospice Society that those in our community who are living with a life limiting illness, are supported and have their wishes respected; that their caregivers receive the help they need, and that they, and their families are supported in their grief. I feel EVERYONE deserves to be able to access any of the care that Comox Valley Hospice Society provides and this is my small part in helping ensure that is possible.